Lil' Professor

One morning we're rushing around the house getting ready for school. I gave the boys their cereal bowls and said "we need to hurry up, we're running late, eat your cereal and mommy needs to get on her horse and shower!"
Levi says, "huh? where is your horse?"
Mason says, "No, silly, she's just in a hurry, that's an IDIOM...she doesn't really have a horse, you know, like 'take a bull by its horns'?
Amazed, I said "Mason, what's your favorite idiom?"
He says, "Can you spot me five bucks?"

Adorable or A Dora Ball

On Mother's Day we got to see my cousin Dot and her two kids, Renee and Riley. At one point, someone tells 2 year old "Nee" that she is so adorable. She replies, "I not a Dora Ball, my Dora Ball's at Dranny's house!"

A Secret S.P.Y. Note in the BackPack

An exerpt from a note found in Mason's backpack (Mason / his friend Darius) :
She really is a Dramaqueen
tell her that
No! She will tell that we are doing this!!
let's do it
Why?
we are a spy
Telling her doesn't have anything to do with S.P.Y.!
So!
SO!
She would tell and we wouldn't be able to S.P.Y.
She won't no
I think she said she will the next time we are S.P.Y.i.n.g.!
Why
She hates when we S.P.Y. on her
She won't no
Shouldn't we stop talking about her and start talking about McKennsy?
We are going to spy on McKennsy outside
We are not going outside, so I will teach you a code.
Not this day

The World is our Classroom

For Christmas, Mason received a kit with materials for kids to write and send away for a bound "published" book. This morning we were playing with ideas for his book:

We talked about writing a funny story, an adventure to find treasure. I suggested maybe a book for other kids...

Mason suggested, "maybe about what it is like to break your arm? like I did last summer...or maybe about kids with parents in different houses..." and then he was quiet for a moment and then said

"OR...we could write about Global Warming...so kids will know not to throw trash on the ground."
Surprised, I asked, "how do you know about global warming?"
Mason: "Geez Mom, I've known about global warming since I was 5!"

Pause Button for Life...I want one

Our kids are exposed to so many electronic gizmos these days ...the TV, the DVD player, their video games. It is no wonder that they try to apply these controls to the world...

• During Levi's most recent video game session (he had been granted "10 minutes" of video game time from mom) I see him come flying out of the game room towards the bathroom and then stops, sees me, comes running up and says "Pause it...k, mom?" I say, "Pause what?" He says, "Pause my time, I've got to pee!"
• At bedtime, we're reading a story and he jumps up, smacks his hand on the book, looks at me and says, "Pause it, I'll be right back!"

And so today, I plan to try it at work...when the phones are ringing and the emails are flooding my inbox and everything gets to be too much...I'm gonna say, "Pause it! I need a break!"

It Takes More Than Karma

The other day we were watching the movie, "Pursuit of Happyness"...the movie where the father struggles to overcome his circumstances to land a job as a stockbroker, all the while taking care of his young son. I thought I'd have to provide some parental guidance during the movie, but Mason always seems to guide me. At one point of the movie I said "so what do you think about this movie?" Mason replies, "This guys doesn't have a whole lot of karma in this movie...he does these good things and bad thing keep happening. That kid is really good and he still loses his Captain America doll." I said, "yeah, that's true...guess you got to have more than good karma to make it in the world." He says, "yeah, you gotta know how to solve the rubik's cube, too!"

I'll Pour Your Milk

Levi has always been the boy who likes to be a helper. So I said to him "when Mommy gets old and needs help, will you take care of me?" He looked at me funny and said "kids don't take care of moms." I said, "well, they do when their moms get older and can't do as much." He said "you better have Mason take care of you; he can pour the milk."

Sea Monkey Observations

The boys received sea monkey kits for Christmas. We've been watching our sea monkeys grow and swim around for the past few weeks. Last week, however, brought about a situation I wasn't quite prepared for. As we were checking them out one day Mason says "why are those two stuck together like that?" Instead of answering I handed him the little book of FAQs. He read it and smiled at me and said "looks like we're gonna have some baby sea monkeys soon."

Whys of the World

So we have this book called "The Whys of the World"...
I was looking through the book and I say to Mason "so what question about the world do you have that you want answered?"
He says "I don't think my questions will be in that book"
I say "Well, tell me what it is and we'll see if it is"
He says "You know how God has millions of spirits that start out all alike at first, but how does my spirit get matched with me and what forms a spirit? what is inside of a spirit? How does it get my personality?"
I, looking dumbfounded, replied "you're right, son...that question is not in the book"

Reputation Management of a Second Grader

After a few lost library book fees and a back-pack weighing in at 20lbs...we recently advised Mason that instead of 8 library books, we'd like to set the limit at 3 library books checked out at one time. The reaction? Complete melt-down of tears and distress.
What? Did he have his heart set on reading that many books every week? Why the tears?
Well, after more discussion, we discovered that the number of books you take home is, in a sense, a badge of honor among his buddies. Mason feared that if he returned his eight books and only checked out three that his friends would assume that he was a bum who didn't return his books and now has been limited by the librarian to only three books...how embarrassing! Why was he so concerned about this? At the library, they announce out-loud when a kid is limited to a certain # of books due to fees or whatever...he thought that his limit of books would be announced. As well, he was concerned that by only checking out 3 books his buddies would label him as a less than avid reader...again, what a blow to his reputation of being a great reader! So we had to come up with a strategy:
1) Anyone can "check out" books...but do they actually read them? We reasoned with him that he was, in effect, checking books out and simply carrying them around for a week...seems silly to create a burden of a 20lb bookbag for nothing.
2) We did the math:
- How many hours do you have available to read each day? Mason replies "1 hour"
- How many days are in a week? Mason says "7 days"
- How long, on average, does it take you to read a book? Mason says "2 days...so 2 hours"
- So let's see how many can you read in a week? How many 2-day books can you fit into a week? Mason thinks... "3 books! with a little extra time left over."
He smiled...and has his equation ready in case his friends taunt him with "why do you only have 3 books? can't you read better than that?" ...now he can point out how ridiculous it is to be a walking library shelf every week.
3) If you are choosing 3 challenging books per week that you enjoy...who cares what anyone else thinks?
He didn't go for that last one...I mean it has taken most of us 30 years to realize it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Poor guy...both his parents are analysts who use math and economics to solve every problem. :)

Mason's Birthday Request

A few days before Mason's 8th birthday, he says "Mom, I know what I want to do for my birthday." I say "yeah? what is that?" Mason says "Well, I'd like to go to North Carolina to this emerald mine." I say "why do you want to go there for your birthday?" Mason explained "you see it is very cool. I saw it on the discovery channel. How it works is you pay $15 to get in, you find an emerald and you come out with $15,000." Hmmm, note to self: Keep Mason away from casinos.

A Receipt from Santa Claus

So a couple of days after Christmas Mason comes to me, sticks a piece of paper in my face and says "What's this?"...I look and it is a receipt from Amazon.com (one showing the order for "santa" gifts). I thought to myself "the santa gig is up"...
Me: It looks like a receipt
Mason: Yes, it says you ordered the gifts we got from Santa
Me: Does it? Are you sure?
Mason looks at it again and says: Hey, it looks like someone from Alan's family ordered these gifts. Who is Robert Vonderheide? What is Alan's dad's name?
(Side-note: When I'd ordered gifts from Amazon this year, the website had erroneously entered names from my account's address list into the "ordered by" field. I had called to get it corrected and they said it was only for reference, that it had been fixed and wouldn't cause a problem in the delivery, but that my receipts might still have those names show up. On this receipt, it had the name Robert Vonderheide (one of Alan's brothers) in that field.)
Me: Ron
Mason: What's his brother's name?
Me: Daniel
Mason: We have to email Alan and find out who Robert Vonderheide is.
So I emailed Alan a message, explaining that I was in trouble and needed his help. Alan wrote back:
Robert Vonderheide is the oldest living member of the Vonderheide family in existence. Today the world population is around 6,600,000,000. That is almost 7 Billion people. Back in the old days when there weren't as many people Santa and his elves had no problem making and delivering toys to everyone. As the population neared the 1 Billion mark Santa began to have trouble filling his orders and had to begin outsourcing. He accomplishes his task now by enlisting the oldest member of each family to fill the orders. These orders are placed through Amazon.com because Santa is secretly the Chairman of the board and largest stockholder for Amazon. That is how he is able to keep up with the ever growing population. This year I asked him to include your family with mine because I love your mom and we will eventually get married. Because Robert is so old (He is 104 years old I think) he probably forgot to make a note on his order to not send the receipts with the gifts. Usually kids are not supposed to know this until they are grown up and have kids of their own. I could get in a lot of trouble with Santa for telling you this so you need to keep it a secret.
Mason's Response after reading this?
Mason: Hmmm...well, I can't wait until I'm the oldest member of the family!
I guess the gig is still on for next year!